Why newborns look so funny

Few newborns look like beauty contest winners, which isn't surprising when you consider what they've been through. But is it really normal for their heads to be so pointy and their genitals so swollen? Here's the top-to-toe scoop on why newborns look so, well, strange.

HeadIf you gave birth vaginally, you may take a look at your baby's head and think, "No wonder!" It's big compared to the rest of your baby's body!

Your baby's head may also look a little misshapen or kind of pointy. This is called molding, and it happens as babies squeeze through the birth canal (or when a vacuum extractor is used during delivery). Your baby's head should return to its original shape in a week or two.

C-section babies don't come through the birth canal, so they have an edge in the looks department. Their heads come out nice and round because they don't get squeezed, and their faces don't get swollen like many babies delivered vaginally.

The soft spots on your baby's head, called fontanels, are diamond-shaped openings in the skull covered by a thick layer of skin. These openings – one in front and one in back – allowed the bones of your baby's skull to compress during his trip through the birth canal, and now they allow for the quick growth of his brain.

The rear fontanel takes about six months to close. The front one takes between 12 and 24 months.

Newborns often develop cradle cap – a redness and flakiness on the scalp. It usually goes away in a few weeks or months and is rarely uncomfortable or itchy. If you notice cradle cap on your baby, try washing his hair a little more often with a mild baby shampoo and brushing it with a soft-bristled brush. Don't use medicated shampoos without checking with your baby's doctor because they can irritate tender skin.

Arms and legsAfter spending so much time curled up in the tight space of your uterus, your baby needs time to adjust to her new freedom and stretch out a bit. Her arms and legs will uncurl in a week or two. When she does begin to stretch out, she'll probably appear a bit bowlegged until she starts walking.

Some babies find swaddling — being wrapped snugly in a blanket – to be comforting because it mimics the tight quarters of the uterus.

BellyYour baby might lose a little weight in his first week, but he should regain it during the second week and continue to put on the ounces and pounds at a fast clip in the following months, quickly filling out his belly.

After ten to 21 days, your baby's umbilical cord stump falls off, leaving an adorable little belly button. Occasionally it also leaves a raw spot that may ooze a little blood-tinged fluid. Keep it dry and clean it with a cotton swab dipped in a little rubbing alcohol, and it should heal by itself. If the stump doesn't fall off after a month, talk to your baby's doctor

Genitals and breastsThe genitals and breasts of newborn boys and girls alike often appear swollen. This is caused by the extra dose of hormones just before birth.

A little milky substance may even leak from your baby's nipples. Don't try to squeeze out the liquid – it's harmless and will dry up on its own. Girls may have some white discharge or blood-tinged vaginal mucus.

All of this will go away in the first few weeks.

SkinNewborn skin varies in appearance according to how far along your baby is at birth. Premature babies have thin, almost transparent skin that may be covered with a fine, downy hair called lanugo. You'll also see vernix, a cheesy, white substance that protects a baby's delicate skin from the amniotic fluid. The farther along your pregnancy is when you deliver, the less lanugo and vernix your baby will have.

Babies of all races and ethnicities are born with reddish-purple skin that changes to pinkish-red in a day or so. The pink tint comes from the red blood vessels that are visible through your baby's still-thin skin. Because your baby's blood circulation is still maturing, his hands and feet may be bluish for a few days. Over the next six months, your baby's skin will develop its permanent color.

If your baby's skin takes on a yellowish tinge in the first few days of life, he may have a slight case of jaundice. More than half of healthy newborns show signs of jaundice, which happens as the body breaks down extra red blood cells.

Jaundice usually goes away in a week or so for full-term babies, but often hangs around slightly longer in preemies. It's usually nothing to worry about, but mention it to your healthcare provider.

Jaundice that doesn't go away may be a sign of a metabolic disorder or a liver problem. Your provider can do a simple blood or skin test to determine whether your baby needs treatment. He may have to spend some time under special lights that help his body get rid of the jaundice.

About 40 percent of babies are born with milia, small white or yellow dots on their face that look like tiny pimples. They usually disappear without treatment in three or four weeks.

If your baby has small, pus-filled bumps that leave dark brown marks when they burst, it's probably pustular melanosis. This newborn rash is more common in African American babies. There's no need to treat this condition. The marks will disappear by the time your baby is 3 or 4 months old.

A hive-like rash made up of red blotches with pale or yellowish bumps in the center is harmless despite its scary-sounding name. Called erythema toxicum, it usually appears a day or two after birth and is gone within a week.

Acne isn't unusual in new babies, either. About a fifth of newborns have a case of acne during their first month, the result of maternal hormones that circulate in the baby's body after birth.

Newborn acne is most likely to show up on the forehead and cheeks. It can worsen if your baby lies on sheets that have been washed in harsh detergents or soiled with spit-up. Place a soft, clean receiving blanket under his head while he's awake, and wash his face gently once a day with a mild baby soap to remove detergent or milk residue.

Otherwise, normal baby acne should disappear on its own within a few months once excess hormones dissipate.

Birthmarks like Mongolian spots (flat patches that look like ink stains) and salmon patches (sometimes called angel kisses and stork bites) are also common. They come in a wide range of shapes, sizes, and colors and can show up anywhere on a baby's body. Certain types of birthmarks may not appear for several days or weeks after birth.

Most birthmarks are harmless. Many go away on their own in the first few years of life, although some, such as flat, reddish-purple marks called port-wine stains, are permanent.

HairBe prepared for some surprises when it comes to your baby's hair. Dark-haired Caucasian couples have been thrown for a loop by children born with bright red or blond hair, and fair-haired couples have been presented with Elvis Presley look-alikes. And then there are the parents who wonder what color that peach fuzz is, exactly.

That said, newborn hair doesn't tend to have much bearing on what your child's hair will eventually look like. Even if your baby was born with a full head of hair, she may begin to lose some or all of it in the first few weeks or months. This often happens because babies spend so much time on their back.

Don't worry – the hair will come back, although it may not look the same when it does. Babies born redheads can turn into blonds, raven-haired newborns can sprout fair tresses, and blonds often turn into brunettes.

Hair texture frequently changes in the first six months, too. You may find coarser, tighter ringlets growing in place of your baby's loose, fine curls, for example.

EyesMost, though certainly not all, Caucasian babies are born with dark gray-blue eyes that can take months or years to reveal their permanent color. Many African American, Asian, and Hispanic babies are born with dark gray-brown eyes that don't change color significantly, but some may start out with hazel eyes that get darker as they approach 6 months.

Most often, the eye color you see at 6 to 9 months is the one that sticks around.

Sometimes newborns have red spots in the whites of their eyes. Though it may look alarming, it's a harmless side effect of the trauma of birth. It's called a subconjunctival hemorrhage and should go away within several days.

EarsYour baby's ears may be soft and floppy, and one of the edges may be bent over a bit. As the cartilage in your baby's ears becomes harder, her ears will become more defined.

NoseYour baby's nose may look swollen from the pressure on it during delivery. It may also be a little flattened or even off-kilter. (He'll look less like a prizefighter in just a few days.) Your baby's appearance and behavior will change quite a bit in his first year of life. For information about your baby's physical and emotional milestones, try our Baby Development area. And to stay up-to-date on what you can expect during all the stages of your baby's first year, sign up for our weekly newsletters.

Stressed out: Life with a newborn

Before I had a baby, I had always thought of myself as a capable person. 

I could change my car battery, program my DVR, and navigate my way around all five boroughs of New York City without getting lost or mugged. But after my daughter Nina was born, my can-do attitude went out the window. Normally confident, I couldn't imagine how I would care for a new baby and what I was supposed to do with her all day long. I dreaded seeing the door close as my husband hurried to catch the train to work every morning.

I wondered if flinging myself at his feet would stop him from leaving me alone for 10 hours with my lovely but oh-so-dependent baby. I loved Nina and we had our blissful moments together, but I was frightened by the responsibility and daunted by the drudgery of caring for her all the time, and overwhelmed by the newness of it all.

No one ever tells you what daily life will be like with a newborn. If they did, they wouldn't be able to look you in the eye because the truth isn't pretty. Imagine this: All those wonderful family members and friends who helped you out right after the birth have now returned to their own lives.

You're fatigued beyond belief. Breast milk drips all over your clothes, but you can barely remember to bathe. Basic tasks like eating or deciding what to wear seem to take too much effort. Armed with little or no previous experience, you're now responsible for the care, nourishment, safety, and stimulation of a new baby. No wonder new moms feel overwhelmed. But know this: You will not be the first mom to feel this way, and you will figure things out. While that may be cold comfort during the early days, it's a start. To help shorten the learning curve, here are some tips on how to cope in the first few weeks, from moms who've been there:

Here's the good news: Things do get better with time. The older your baby gets, the savier you'll become about caring for her. You'll regain your self-confidence and become an expert at parenting. And life, although no longer exactly the same as it was before you became a parent, will start to feel normal again. We promise.

5 things you didn't know about newborns

Congratulations – after months of waiting, you can finally hold your baby in your arms! That brand-new bundle will bring you much joy, a million pride-filled moments – and a few surprises. Read on to learn about the biggest newborn bombshells.

Newborns are funny looking

You may notice that your baby looks nothing like the chubby, smooth-skinned angels gracing the magazines in the doctor's waiting room. No, there's nothing wrong. It's just that the babies in the magazines aren't newborns!

This makes sense, given that the "newborn look" is – to put it bluntly – a bit bizarre. Think big heads, scrawny limbs, and scaly skin.

"They basically look like aliens," says pediatrician and writer Gwenn O'Keeffe.

The birth process itself accounts for some of the oddity. All that squeezing and molding on the journey through the birth canal can result in squished features and a head that's more cone-shaped than round (c-section babies typically have rounder heads).

In addition, says O'Keeffe, because your baby has been floating in fluid for nine months, she hasn't had the chance to develop much muscle tone. This lends her facial features a certain slackness.

Your baby's skin might also surprise you. If your baby arrives late, her skin might look wrinkled and may peel from losing the white, creamy vernix that covered the skin in utero. Full-term and premature babies may also peel a bit from the exposure to air after the vernix is washed away.

Preemies are more likely to emerge covered with a fine, downy (or sometimes dark) hair called lanugo. Lanugo typically sprouts from certain parts of the body, such as the back, shoulders, ears, and forehead, and falls out in a matter of weeks after birth (although it persists for quite a bit longer in some babies).

Soon your baby will pile on the ounces, lose the newborn look, and become decidedly babyish in appearance. Until then, enjoy this phase while it lasts. Because while newborns may not be ready for commercials, they have a strange loveliness, at least in their parents' eyes.

As one mom puts it, "My oldest looked like a monkey, my second looked like a little old lady, and my youngest resembled a frog. I thought they were beautiful."

Babies can be explosive

Newborns may look delicate, but when it comes to spit-up and poop, they can pack a serious punch.

In a recent BabyCenter survey, 41 percent of new moms said spitting up was their biggest feeding nuisance. "I was surprised by how many times I had to change my own clothes," says mom of two Rachel Teichman.

Why is spitting up so common? Simple physiology. "The tiny muscle that acts as a valve between the esophagus and the stomach is immature in newborns, so it's easy for food to come back up," says O'Keeffe.

If you have a major spitter-upper, don't forget to burp him and keep him upright after he eats. This can help reduce the volume and frequency. And don't worry – he won't have to take burp cloths to college.

"Most babies outgrow the spit-up phase by 4 or 5 months of age," says O'Keeffe.

(However, if your baby seems uncomfortable after eating, if he's losing weight, or if the spit-up is projectile, talk to your doctor. It could be a sign of reflux or another medical problem.)

Poop explosions are another normal part of the new-parent initiation. "At our baby's second doctor's appointment, poop exploded all over my husband's shirt," says one BabyCenter mom. "It was like a jet engine!"

Again, you can thank immature biology. "Babies can't willfully poop until they get older, so sometimes it just reaches a critical mass and it all comes out at once," says O'Keeffe.

There's not too much you can do about poop blowouts, other than carrying a well-stocked diaper bag and trying your best to keep your sense of humor intact.

Want the full scoop on baby poop? If you can stomach the photos, check out our slideshow.

Babies are unexpectedly time-consuming

It's the quintessential conundrum of early parenthood: How can caring for this doll-like, sleepy creature eat up such massive amounts of time? Instead of the productive, project-filled weeks you may have envisioned while you were pregnant, your post-birth days trudge by in a blur of diaper changing, feeding, rocking, burping, and endless laundry.

As for zipping out the door for a quick errand with your baby? It's likely more a slog than a zip. "What surprised me the most was what a production it is to get out of the house," one BabyCenter mom says.

"It's common for moms to be overwhelmed and surprised by how much time a newborn takes up," says Whitney Moss, mom and coauthor of The Rookie Mom's Handbook. In our survey, 64 percent of BabyCenter moms said finding time to get things done – or time for themselves – is the biggest challenge of new motherhood.

It can be helpful to adjust your expectations and remember that parenthood has a steep learning curve. "Go easy on yourself, just as if you were at a new job," says Moss.

So shelve those plans to clean out your garage during maternity leave and know that as you gain experience, all those baby-related tasks will become both easier and quicker. It may take you ten minutes to change a diaper now, but soon you'll find yourself doing it offhandedly while you chat on the phone. And pretty soon you'll be able to get yourself and your baby to the grocery store without breaking a sweat.

Bonding follows its own timetable

For some moms – including 34 percent of our survey respondents – the biggest shock of new parenthood was the instant love they felt the first time they saw or held their baby. "It hit me like a ton of bricks," says one mom.

Others find the exact opposite: Their biggest surprise was that they didn't fall in love instantly (11 percent of our survey participants fell into this category). For these parents, bonding developed more gradually. "My daughter is 3 1/2 weeks old and I love her to death," one mom says. "But it wasn't this overwhelming magical moment. It took time."

Like pregnancy, labor, and birth itself, the experience of bonding varies from parent to parent. If you're feeling stressed because you're not as bonded with your newborn as you thought you'd be, give it time and remember that there's no "right way" for bonding to happen.

In addition, make sure you get some breaks. Ironically, a little time away from your baby can help the bonding process along.

"It's really important to get a breather," says O'Keeffe. "Don't feel guilty about leaving your baby with your partner or a friend while you go for a walk or get your nails done. When moms feel less overwhelmed, bonding becomes easier."

If, after a few weeks, you're still having trouble feeling connected to your baby, talk with your doctor. Sometimes postpartum depression – which is both common and treatable – can get in the way of the bonding process.

You'll be a different kind of parent than you expected

Parenthood comes with many lessons, and humility may be one of the biggest of all.

Maybe you thought you'd never give your baby a pacifier, and now your house and car are filled with neon-colored binkies. Or you thought you'd never worry about germs, and now you meet visitors at the door with a bottle of hand sanitizer. Or you thought you'd stick with cloth diapers, but you can't resist the disposables. And here you are, doing exactly what you swore you'd never do.

"We all go through this," says O'Keeffe. "We think we'll be a certain way, and then we realize that we just need to do what works for our individual child."

"I was totally not a baby/kid person. The day before I gave birth to my first, I thought I'd be saying, 'Here you go, Grandma. We'll be back from our weekend trip in a few days....' But the moment he came out, I was overwhelmed with love and protection and joy. I never thought I'd be like that. I've been away from him exactly one night, because I had to, for work," says one BabyCenter mom.

Another mom says, "I always thought it was disgusting when parents cleaned their kid's nose with their own hands, but now I'm one of those parents!"

And Melissa Byers writes in her story The Princess and the Pacifier, "When my youngest was an infant, I was terrified of the pacifier.…This thing wasn't going to get me. Oh no. I was smarter than that. Or so I thought.… After a few weeks, the crying was too much, and I was done being a human pacifier."

When to call the doctor for your newborn

If it's your first time caring for a newborn, how can you tell what's normal and what's not? Here's a quick list of symptoms that may signal a problem in the first couple of days at home. If you spot one, call your doctor right away. If the doctor's office is closed, the answering service should direct you to an advice nurse, the doctor on call, or an urgent care clinic.

And of course, if your baby has any other symptom that worries you, play it safe and make the call.

Dehydration

Signs that your newborn is not getting enough fluids include:

Poop problems

High or low temperature

Breathing problems

Signs of respiratory distress include:

NOTE: If your baby is taking more than 60 breaths per minute or turning blue around the mouth, call 911.

Umbilical cord stump problems

Jaundice

Prolonged crying

Extreme sleepiness

Signs of illness

Poor appetite or suck

For more information:

Newborn screening tests: How to get more than your state requires

If your baby is born in the United States, someone will test your baby for a number of genetic disorders and health problems shortly after birth. The precise testing that your baby receives will depend on the state in which you live and the facility where you deliver. For example, if you give birth in Virginia, your newborn will be screened for nine genetic disorders; but if you deliver your baby across the border in West Virginia, your newborn will be tested for only four.

If you're happy with the testing that your state does — and if you deliver in a hospital — then you don't have to do anything to get this testing; it will happen automatically. But if you want more than the minimum that your state requires, you'll have to do a little legwork.

Finding out what your state requires

Probably the easiest way to find out what testing your state requires is to ask your doctor or midwife. But if you don't want to wait for your next appointment, visit the National Newborn Screening and Genetics Resource Center Web site for state-specific newborn screening information and a link to your state's newborn screening program Web site.

Health experts recommend more

Although most states require only a handful of tests, a panel of experts convened by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the March of Dimes recommends newborns be screened for 30 genetic disorders, including hypothyroidism, cystic fibrosis, and sickle cell anemia. All of the disorders can be detected through a simple blood test, and many can be treated relatively easily — by changing a baby's diet, for example, or by feeding a baby more frequently.

In addition to the genetic testing, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the March of Dimes, and the American Academy of Pediatrics also recommend that all newborns be tested for early hearing loss before leaving the hospital.

Where to get additional testing

Getting additional testing is easy — and cheap. If you'd like your baby to be tested for more disorders than your state law currently requires, discuss this with your doctor or midwife. See if you can make arrangements with a laboratory for supplemental newborn screening. The cost is quite low: For example, the Institute of Metabolic Disease at Baylor University in Texas will test your newborn for 30 genetic disorders for about $25. You can find a list of organizations that offer supplemental newborn screening at the National Newborn Screening and Genetics Resource Center's Web site.

Where to learn more

See our article on which screening tests your baby needs and why. Get information from the March of Dimes, an organization whose mission is to prevent birth defects and infant mortality.

Nihara K. Choudhri is a former corporate and family law attorney who currently divides her time between writing about legal issues that affect families and chasing after her busy 2-year-old son, Aman. Her latest book is Parent Savvy: Straight Answers to Your Family's Financial, Legal & Practical Questions. She has written two previous books: The Complete Guide to Divorce Law and What to Do Before "I Do."

This article was adapted with permission from Parent Savvy.

Will you be a good mother? Demystifying the maternal instinct

What is the so-called "maternal instinct"?

According to Elyse Rubenstein, a Philadelphia psychiatrist who counsels new mothers, the term refers to "an inborn tendency to want to protect and nurture one's offspring." Almost all mothers (human and animal alike) eventually come to feel this way after they have a child.

I was never a "baby person" before. Does that mean I'll be a bad mother?

No, how you feel about babies before you have one isn't an accurate predictor of the kind of mother you'll become. "You don't have to be the type who fawns over babies," says Rubenstein. Once you give birth, it's a whole new ballgame, and feelings you never expected to have will surface as part of the process of becoming a parent.

Before mom Heidi Oliveri had her son, Brandon, she was a typical 22-year-old — fun-loving, outgoing, career-minded, and definitely not the kind of person you'd describe as maternal.

"I was not a baby person," she says. "I never pictured myself having three kids, which I now do." But she's completely comfortable in her role as a mother. "Until you have your own, you really don't know what you'll be like," she says. "But once you have a baby, the maternal instinct just kicks in."

What if I don't feel particularly maternal?

The fact that you're worried about being "maternal" or a good mother in the first place shows that you're concerned about your baby. And that's a great start. Instead of worrying about whether you fulfill a requirement for parenthood that experts themselves don't even agree on, focus your energies on getting to know your baby.

"A large number of new mothers fear, in some way, that they don't quite make the grade because parenting doesn't come as naturally as they expected it would," says Rubenstein.

But what counts just as much as those fuzzy feelings you're supposed to have for your baby is a combination of experience and education. The older your baby gets, and the more you get to know him or her, the more confident a parent you become.

Heidi Oliveri agrees. The more she got to know Brandon, the more comfortable she felt about being a mother, a skill she thought she'd never master. "Like any relationship, this one ," she says.

Unless you feel an overwhelming, unrelenting resentment toward your baby, you'll soon grow into your new role as a mother and do the best you can (which is what most new parents do).

But if you're continually feeling sad or angry, or if you ever feel you might hurt your baby, seek help immediately. Your doctor or midwife or your baby's pediatrician can refer you to a counselor trained to help new moms.

Baby care log

Here's help for bleary-eyed new parents: When you're too tired to remember the details, our printable worksheet makes it easy to track feedings, your baby's diapering and sleep patterns, and even your own mood.

This process can help you start to recognize what's normal and what isn't. It'll also help answer questions the doctor may ask to make sure your newborn is healthy and getting enough to eat.

Print your worksheet

Take a look at our pre-filled baby care worksheet to get an idea of how it might be used.

Next, print our blank baby care worksheet so you can fill it out yourself. You may want to print at least 14 copies to last you for the first two weeks your newborn is home.

What to track

Feel free to track just those things that make the most sense for you. Here are some suggestions to get you started:

Feedings

If you're breastfeeding (BF): Which breast your baby started nursing on (BFR or BFL), so you can start on the other breast at the next feeding

If you're bottle feeding (BTL): How many ounces your baby drinks at each feeding

If you're pumping: How much milk you produce at each session

If your baby spits up: How often your baby spits up, especially if you're concerned that your baby is spitting up a lot and not keeping enough down

Diaper changes

Time of each change

Whether it's pee or poop

When your baby's poop switches from meconium to regular stools

If anything looks off

Sleep

When your baby sleeps, where, and for how long

Crying and fussiness

When your baby has periods of crying or fussiness and how long they last (the record you keep may help your baby's doctor distinguish between normal crying jags and colic)

Your day

Sleep: When and how long you sleep

Medication: What you took, when, and maybe how you're feeling at the time

Breastfeeding: What's going well and what isn't

Emotions: How you're feeling emotionally; whether you're getting the support you need.

Diet: What you're eating and when

Relationships: How you and your partner are doing; how you're getting along with family and friends.

Parents say: What I wish I'd known about preparing for life with a newborn

Those early days of a baby's life are a blur of diaper changes, feedings, and sleepless nights, but it's possible to make them easier with a little preparation. Here's what experienced BabyCenter moms and dads wish they had known or done before their baby's arrival.

Advice from BabyCenter moms

"I wish I had cleaned and organized my house before the baby was born. That way, when I came home I wouldn't have been stressed about cleaning, and I would have known where all the important things were."

"If people ask you how they can help, ask them to clean your house while you're in the hospital giving birth. Or schedule a deep clean with a cleaning service. It's so nice to come home from the hospital to a super clean house and hard to get it done well yourself when you're about to pop."

"I wish I'd completed more things on my to-do list, like getting an eye exam or taking the car into the shop to be fixed. These are really difficult to do with a baby in tow."

"A friend highly recommended having the changing table ready and stocked. I listened, and I can't imagine what life would have been like in the first weeks without it!"

"I wish I would have pre-cooked more meals that could be frozen. Standing in a kitchen and cooking [as soon as] you get home is a challenge."

"The Sleepy Sounds app was a lifesaver with my son who screamed for hours. He loved the white noise rain the best. It calmed him down instantly."

"I wish I'd bought at least four nursing bras."

"I should have learned to use the breast pump before the baby was born."

"I wish I hadn't bought so much newborn-size clothing. My son was almost too big for it when he was born!"

"I wish I'd set up some playdates for our 4-year-old daughter on the days following the birth of our new baby."

"I wish I'd investigated groups and activities that my baby and I could have participated in during my maternity leave."

"I recommend reading more books on the baby's first year, especially about sleeping and nursing."

"Read books now! When my baby went to sleep, I should have been napping. Instead, I was reading the sleep books that I could have read before he was born."

"I wish I had taken more newborn photos and videos. It's amazing how quickly babies change in the first couple of weeks after bringing them home!"

"I wish I had known that becoming a new mom wasn't always a completely happy experience. The baby blues can be tough, especially if you don't know that many other women experience them."

"Life can be very difficult with all of those hormones! I wish I had been more willing to take antidepressants instead of judging those who do. Medication can really help with your outlook on daily activities."

"Don't be unrealistic or squander precious moments sweating the small stuff. A baby doesn't know if the nursery isn't perfect, there's a pile of laundry to do, or the house is messy. A baby needs a peaceful environment – the rest will figure itself out in time. New life is a miracle. Enjoy the magic."

Advice from BabyCenter dads

"Read Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad! It's informative and funny. It's for men who like sarcasm and want to learn how to deal with pregnancy."

"My Boys Can Swim! is a good read for first-time dads."

"I like Armin Brott's books a lot. They address issues and concerns important to dads without being patronizing, and they're easy to read."

"I highly recommend the book Dad's Pregnant Too by Harlan Cohen. It's a great book that covers pregnancy and after birth. It has humor, facts, and a lot of advice."

"Look into taking as much time off as is economically possible, such as FMLA and any paid leave or vacation time."

"Visit some breastfeeding classes or support groups with your [partner] before the birth. Even in the best of circumstances, breastfeeding is challenging for almost all moms I know. Being a supportive husband or partner helps increase the likelihood of breastfeeding success."

"If your wife has a vaginal birth, search online for 'padsicles' and consider prepping some ahead of time to have in the freezer."

"Newborns need a lot less stuff than what the big stores would like you to believe."

"If you're a dad-to-be who hasn't held a small baby, try to be in situations where you'll have that opportunity ahead of time."

"My advice from one dad to another is to stake your time with your baby as early as possible. Make sure that you get to hold and cuddle your newborn. Don't be afraid of poopy diapers. (Everything can be washed.) Take lots of pictures – you never know when you'll capture a 'first.'"

"When people try to tell you what to do, thank them for the advice but say you'll do it your way. It sets boundaries for people, and eventually the unwanted advice will stop."

"More than likely, your relationship will change [with your partner]. Small things will become big things [very] quickly, and what used to work to patch over the rough spots may become annoying. Keep the lines of communication open and be open to change, even if it seems unfair."

"It's easy to get overwhelmed but just remember you don't have to learn everything on day one. We have years to grow into being great fathers. Take it one day at a time."

"I have three pieces of advice:

"Before I became a dad, I read tons of books and got active on the forums. I talked to my wife a lot about what kind of parents we wanted to be. In the end, I never really knew what to expect, but I was okay with that. So I wasn't blindsided by the experience at all. I guess I prepared myself [by] knowing that my life was going to change big time and just expecting the unexpected. And it's awesome."