Why newborns look so funny

Few newborns look like beauty contest winners, which isn't surprising when you consider what they've been through. But is it really normal for their heads to be so pointy and their genitals so swollen? Here's the top-to-toe scoop on why newborns look so, well, strange.

HeadIf you gave birth vaginally, you may take a look at your baby's head and think, "No wonder!" It's big compared to the rest of your baby's body!

Your baby's head may also look a little misshapen or kind of pointy. This is called molding, and it happens as babies squeeze through the birth canal (or when a vacuum extractor is used during delivery). Your baby's head should return to its original shape in a week or two.

C-section babies don't come through the birth canal, so they have an edge in the looks department. Their heads come out nice and round because they don't get squeezed, and their faces don't get swollen like many babies delivered vaginally.

The soft spots on your baby's head, called fontanels, are diamond-shaped openings in the skull covered by a thick layer of skin. These openings – one in front and one in back – allowed the bones of your baby's skull to compress during his trip through the birth canal, and now they allow for the quick growth of his brain.

The rear fontanel takes about six months to close. The front one takes between 12 and 24 months.

Newborns often develop cradle cap – a redness and flakiness on the scalp. It usually goes away in a few weeks or months and is rarely uncomfortable or itchy. If you notice cradle cap on your baby, try washing his hair a little more often with a mild baby shampoo and brushing it with a soft-bristled brush. Don't use medicated shampoos without checking with your baby's doctor because they can irritate tender skin.

Arms and legsAfter spending so much time curled up in the tight space of your uterus, your baby needs time to adjust to her new freedom and stretch out a bit. Her arms and legs will uncurl in a week or two. When she does begin to stretch out, she'll probably appear a bit bowlegged until she starts walking.

Some babies find swaddling — being wrapped snugly in a blanket – to be comforting because it mimics the tight quarters of the uterus.

BellyYour baby might lose a little weight in his first week, but he should regain it during the second week and continue to put on the ounces and pounds at a fast clip in the following months, quickly filling out his belly.

After ten to 21 days, your baby's umbilical cord stump falls off, leaving an adorable little belly button. Occasionally it also leaves a raw spot that may ooze a little blood-tinged fluid. Keep it dry and clean it with a cotton swab dipped in a little rubbing alcohol, and it should heal by itself. If the stump doesn't fall off after a month, talk to your baby's doctor

Genitals and breastsThe genitals and breasts of newborn boys and girls alike often appear swollen. This is caused by the extra dose of hormones just before birth.

A little milky substance may even leak from your baby's nipples. Don't try to squeeze out the liquid – it's harmless and will dry up on its own. Girls may have some white discharge or blood-tinged vaginal mucus.

All of this will go away in the first few weeks.

SkinNewborn skin varies in appearance according to how far along your baby is at birth. Premature babies have thin, almost transparent skin that may be covered with a fine, downy hair called lanugo. You'll also see vernix, a cheesy, white substance that protects a baby's delicate skin from the amniotic fluid. The farther along your pregnancy is when you deliver, the less lanugo and vernix your baby will have.

Babies of all races and ethnicities are born with reddish-purple skin that changes to pinkish-red in a day or so. The pink tint comes from the red blood vessels that are visible through your baby's still-thin skin. Because your baby's blood circulation is still maturing, his hands and feet may be bluish for a few days. Over the next six months, your baby's skin will develop its permanent color.

If your baby's skin takes on a yellowish tinge in the first few days of life, he may have a slight case of jaundice. More than half of healthy newborns show signs of jaundice, which happens as the body breaks down extra red blood cells.

Jaundice usually goes away in a week or so for full-term babies, but often hangs around slightly longer in preemies. It's usually nothing to worry about, but mention it to your healthcare provider.

Jaundice that doesn't go away may be a sign of a metabolic disorder or a liver problem. Your provider can do a simple blood or skin test to determine whether your baby needs treatment. He may have to spend some time under special lights that help his body get rid of the jaundice.

About 40 percent of babies are born with milia, small white or yellow dots on their face that look like tiny pimples. They usually disappear without treatment in three or four weeks.

If your baby has small, pus-filled bumps that leave dark brown marks when they burst, it's probably pustular melanosis. This newborn rash is more common in African American babies. There's no need to treat this condition. The marks will disappear by the time your baby is 3 or 4 months old.

A hive-like rash made up of red blotches with pale or yellowish bumps in the center is harmless despite its scary-sounding name. Called erythema toxicum, it usually appears a day or two after birth and is gone within a week.

Acne isn't unusual in new babies, either. About a fifth of newborns have a case of acne during their first month, the result of maternal hormones that circulate in the baby's body after birth.

Newborn acne is most likely to show up on the forehead and cheeks. It can worsen if your baby lies on sheets that have been washed in harsh detergents or soiled with spit-up. Place a soft, clean receiving blanket under his head while he's awake, and wash his face gently once a day with a mild baby soap to remove detergent or milk residue.

Otherwise, normal baby acne should disappear on its own within a few months once excess hormones dissipate.

Birthmarks like Mongolian spots (flat patches that look like ink stains) and salmon patches (sometimes called angel kisses and stork bites) are also common. They come in a wide range of shapes, sizes, and colors and can show up anywhere on a baby's body. Certain types of birthmarks may not appear for several days or weeks after birth.

Most birthmarks are harmless. Many go away on their own in the first few years of life, although some, such as flat, reddish-purple marks called port-wine stains, are permanent.

HairBe prepared for some surprises when it comes to your baby's hair. Dark-haired Caucasian couples have been thrown for a loop by children born with bright red or blond hair, and fair-haired couples have been presented with Elvis Presley look-alikes. And then there are the parents who wonder what color that peach fuzz is, exactly.

That said, newborn hair doesn't tend to have much bearing on what your child's hair will eventually look like. Even if your baby was born with a full head of hair, she may begin to lose some or all of it in the first few weeks or months. This often happens because babies spend so much time on their back.

Don't worry – the hair will come back, although it may not look the same when it does. Babies born redheads can turn into blonds, raven-haired newborns can sprout fair tresses, and blonds often turn into brunettes.

Hair texture frequently changes in the first six months, too. You may find coarser, tighter ringlets growing in place of your baby's loose, fine curls, for example.

EyesMost, though certainly not all, Caucasian babies are born with dark gray-blue eyes that can take months or years to reveal their permanent color. Many African American, Asian, and Hispanic babies are born with dark gray-brown eyes that don't change color significantly, but some may start out with hazel eyes that get darker as they approach 6 months.

Most often, the eye color you see at 6 to 9 months is the one that sticks around.

Sometimes newborns have red spots in the whites of their eyes. Though it may look alarming, it's a harmless side effect of the trauma of birth. It's called a subconjunctival hemorrhage and should go away within several days.

EarsYour baby's ears may be soft and floppy, and one of the edges may be bent over a bit. As the cartilage in your baby's ears becomes harder, her ears will become more defined.

NoseYour baby's nose may look swollen from the pressure on it during delivery. It may also be a little flattened or even off-kilter. (He'll look less like a prizefighter in just a few days.) Your baby's appearance and behavior will change quite a bit in his first year of life. For information about your baby's physical and emotional milestones, try our Baby Development area. And to stay up-to-date on what you can expect during all the stages of your baby's first year, sign up for our weekly newsletters.

Stressed out: Life with a newborn

Before I had a baby, I had always thought of myself as a capable person. 

I could change my car battery, program my DVR, and navigate my way around all five boroughs of New York City without getting lost or mugged. But after my daughter Nina was born, my can-do attitude went out the window. Normally confident, I couldn't imagine how I would care for a new baby and what I was supposed to do with her all day long. I dreaded seeing the door close as my husband hurried to catch the train to work every morning.

I wondered if flinging myself at his feet would stop him from leaving me alone for 10 hours with my lovely but oh-so-dependent baby. I loved Nina and we had our blissful moments together, but I was frightened by the responsibility and daunted by the drudgery of caring for her all the time, and overwhelmed by the newness of it all.

No one ever tells you what daily life will be like with a newborn. If they did, they wouldn't be able to look you in the eye because the truth isn't pretty. Imagine this: All those wonderful family members and friends who helped you out right after the birth have now returned to their own lives.

You're fatigued beyond belief. Breast milk drips all over your clothes, but you can barely remember to bathe. Basic tasks like eating or deciding what to wear seem to take too much effort. Armed with little or no previous experience, you're now responsible for the care, nourishment, safety, and stimulation of a new baby. No wonder new moms feel overwhelmed. But know this: You will not be the first mom to feel this way, and you will figure things out. While that may be cold comfort during the early days, it's a start. To help shorten the learning curve, here are some tips on how to cope in the first few weeks, from moms who've been there:

Here's the good news: Things do get better with time. The older your baby gets, the savier you'll become about caring for her. You'll regain your self-confidence and become an expert at parenting. And life, although no longer exactly the same as it was before you became a parent, will start to feel normal again. We promise.

5 things you didn't know about newborns

Congratulations – after months of waiting, you can finally hold your baby in your arms! That brand-new bundle will bring you much joy, a million pride-filled moments – and a few surprises. Read on to learn about the biggest newborn bombshells.

Newborns are funny looking

You may notice that your baby looks nothing like the chubby, smooth-skinned angels gracing the magazines in the doctor's waiting room. No, there's nothing wrong. It's just that the babies in the magazines aren't newborns!

This makes sense, given that the "newborn look" is – to put it bluntly – a bit bizarre. Think big heads, scrawny limbs, and scaly skin.

"They basically look like aliens," says pediatrician and writer Gwenn O'Keeffe.

The birth process itself accounts for some of the oddity. All that squeezing and molding on the journey through the birth canal can result in squished features and a head that's more cone-shaped than round (c-section babies typically have rounder heads).

In addition, says O'Keeffe, because your baby has been floating in fluid for nine months, she hasn't had the chance to develop much muscle tone. This lends her facial features a certain slackness.

Your baby's skin might also surprise you. If your baby arrives late, her skin might look wrinkled and may peel from losing the white, creamy vernix that covered the skin in utero. Full-term and premature babies may also peel a bit from the exposure to air after the vernix is washed away.

Preemies are more likely to emerge covered with a fine, downy (or sometimes dark) hair called lanugo. Lanugo typically sprouts from certain parts of the body, such as the back, shoulders, ears, and forehead, and falls out in a matter of weeks after birth (although it persists for quite a bit longer in some babies).

Soon your baby will pile on the ounces, lose the newborn look, and become decidedly babyish in appearance. Until then, enjoy this phase while it lasts. Because while newborns may not be ready for commercials, they have a strange loveliness, at least in their parents' eyes.

As one mom puts it, "My oldest looked like a monkey, my second looked like a little old lady, and my youngest resembled a frog. I thought they were beautiful."

Babies can be explosive

Newborns may look delicate, but when it comes to spit-up and poop, they can pack a serious punch.

In a recent BabyCenter survey, 41 percent of new moms said spitting up was their biggest feeding nuisance. "I was surprised by how many times I had to change my own clothes," says mom of two Rachel Teichman.

Why is spitting up so common? Simple physiology. "The tiny muscle that acts as a valve between the esophagus and the stomach is immature in newborns, so it's easy for food to come back up," says O'Keeffe.

If you have a major spitter-upper, don't forget to burp him and keep him upright after he eats. This can help reduce the volume and frequency. And don't worry – he won't have to take burp cloths to college.

"Most babies outgrow the spit-up phase by 4 or 5 months of age," says O'Keeffe.

(However, if your baby seems uncomfortable after eating, if he's losing weight, or if the spit-up is projectile, talk to your doctor. It could be a sign of reflux or another medical problem.)

Poop explosions are another normal part of the new-parent initiation. "At our baby's second doctor's appointment, poop exploded all over my husband's shirt," says one BabyCenter mom. "It was like a jet engine!"

Again, you can thank immature biology. "Babies can't willfully poop until they get older, so sometimes it just reaches a critical mass and it all comes out at once," says O'Keeffe.

There's not too much you can do about poop blowouts, other than carrying a well-stocked diaper bag and trying your best to keep your sense of humor intact.

Want the full scoop on baby poop? If you can stomach the photos, check out our slideshow.

Babies are unexpectedly time-consuming

It's the quintessential conundrum of early parenthood: How can caring for this doll-like, sleepy creature eat up such massive amounts of time? Instead of the productive, project-filled weeks you may have envisioned while you were pregnant, your post-birth days trudge by in a blur of diaper changing, feeding, rocking, burping, and endless laundry.

As for zipping out the door for a quick errand with your baby? It's likely more a slog than a zip. "What surprised me the most was what a production it is to get out of the house," one BabyCenter mom says.

"It's common for moms to be overwhelmed and surprised by how much time a newborn takes up," says Whitney Moss, mom and coauthor of The Rookie Mom's Handbook. In our survey, 64 percent of BabyCenter moms said finding time to get things done – or time for themselves – is the biggest challenge of new motherhood.

It can be helpful to adjust your expectations and remember that parenthood has a steep learning curve. "Go easy on yourself, just as if you were at a new job," says Moss.

So shelve those plans to clean out your garage during maternity leave and know that as you gain experience, all those baby-related tasks will become both easier and quicker. It may take you ten minutes to change a diaper now, but soon you'll find yourself doing it offhandedly while you chat on the phone. And pretty soon you'll be able to get yourself and your baby to the grocery store without breaking a sweat.

Bonding follows its own timetable

For some moms – including 34 percent of our survey respondents – the biggest shock of new parenthood was the instant love they felt the first time they saw or held their baby. "It hit me like a ton of bricks," says one mom.

Others find the exact opposite: Their biggest surprise was that they didn't fall in love instantly (11 percent of our survey participants fell into this category). For these parents, bonding developed more gradually. "My daughter is 3 1/2 weeks old and I love her to death," one mom says. "But it wasn't this overwhelming magical moment. It took time."

Like pregnancy, labor, and birth itself, the experience of bonding varies from parent to parent. If you're feeling stressed because you're not as bonded with your newborn as you thought you'd be, give it time and remember that there's no "right way" for bonding to happen.

In addition, make sure you get some breaks. Ironically, a little time away from your baby can help the bonding process along.

"It's really important to get a breather," says O'Keeffe. "Don't feel guilty about leaving your baby with your partner or a friend while you go for a walk or get your nails done. When moms feel less overwhelmed, bonding becomes easier."

If, after a few weeks, you're still having trouble feeling connected to your baby, talk with your doctor. Sometimes postpartum depression – which is both common and treatable – can get in the way of the bonding process.

You'll be a different kind of parent than you expected

Parenthood comes with many lessons, and humility may be one of the biggest of all.

Maybe you thought you'd never give your baby a pacifier, and now your house and car are filled with neon-colored binkies. Or you thought you'd never worry about germs, and now you meet visitors at the door with a bottle of hand sanitizer. Or you thought you'd stick with cloth diapers, but you can't resist the disposables. And here you are, doing exactly what you swore you'd never do.

"We all go through this," says O'Keeffe. "We think we'll be a certain way, and then we realize that we just need to do what works for our individual child."

"I was totally not a baby/kid person. The day before I gave birth to my first, I thought I'd be saying, 'Here you go, Grandma. We'll be back from our weekend trip in a few days....' But the moment he came out, I was overwhelmed with love and protection and joy. I never thought I'd be like that. I've been away from him exactly one night, because I had to, for work," says one BabyCenter mom.

Another mom says, "I always thought it was disgusting when parents cleaned their kid's nose with their own hands, but now I'm one of those parents!"

And Melissa Byers writes in her story The Princess and the Pacifier, "When my youngest was an infant, I was terrified of the pacifier.…This thing wasn't going to get me. Oh no. I was smarter than that. Or so I thought.… After a few weeks, the crying was too much, and I was done being a human pacifier."

When to call the doctor for your newborn

If it's your first time caring for a newborn, how can you tell what's normal and what's not? Here's a quick list of symptoms that may signal a problem in the first couple of days at home. If you spot one, call your doctor right away. If the doctor's office is closed, the answering service should direct you to an advice nurse, the doctor on call, or an urgent care clinic.

And of course, if your baby has any other symptom that worries you, play it safe and make the call.

Dehydration

Signs that your newborn is not getting enough fluids include:

Poop problems

High or low temperature

Breathing problems

Signs of respiratory distress include:

NOTE: If your baby is taking more than 60 breaths per minute or turning blue around the mouth, call 911.

Umbilical cord stump problems

Jaundice

Prolonged crying

Extreme sleepiness

Signs of illness

Poor appetite or suck

For more information:

Newborn screening tests: How to get more than your state requires

If your baby is born in the United States, someone will test your baby for a number of genetic disorders and health problems shortly after birth. The precise testing that your baby receives will depend on the state in which you live and the facility where you deliver. For example, if you give birth in Virginia, your newborn will be screened for nine genetic disorders; but if you deliver your baby across the border in West Virginia, your newborn will be tested for only four.

If you're happy with the testing that your state does — and if you deliver in a hospital — then you don't have to do anything to get this testing; it will happen automatically. But if you want more than the minimum that your state requires, you'll have to do a little legwork.

Finding out what your state requires

Probably the easiest way to find out what testing your state requires is to ask your doctor or midwife. But if you don't want to wait for your next appointment, visit the National Newborn Screening and Genetics Resource Center Web site for state-specific newborn screening information and a link to your state's newborn screening program Web site.

Health experts recommend more

Although most states require only a handful of tests, a panel of experts convened by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the March of Dimes recommends newborns be screened for 30 genetic disorders, including hypothyroidism, cystic fibrosis, and sickle cell anemia. All of the disorders can be detected through a simple blood test, and many can be treated relatively easily — by changing a baby's diet, for example, or by feeding a baby more frequently.

In addition to the genetic testing, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the March of Dimes, and the American Academy of Pediatrics also recommend that all newborns be tested for early hearing loss before leaving the hospital.

Where to get additional testing

Getting additional testing is easy — and cheap. If you'd like your baby to be tested for more disorders than your state law currently requires, discuss this with your doctor or midwife. See if you can make arrangements with a laboratory for supplemental newborn screening. The cost is quite low: For example, the Institute of Metabolic Disease at Baylor University in Texas will test your newborn for 30 genetic disorders for about $25. You can find a list of organizations that offer supplemental newborn screening at the National Newborn Screening and Genetics Resource Center's Web site.

Where to learn more

See our article on which screening tests your baby needs and why. Get information from the March of Dimes, an organization whose mission is to prevent birth defects and infant mortality.

Nihara K. Choudhri is a former corporate and family law attorney who currently divides her time between writing about legal issues that affect families and chasing after her busy 2-year-old son, Aman. Her latest book is Parent Savvy: Straight Answers to Your Family's Financial, Legal & Practical Questions. She has written two previous books: The Complete Guide to Divorce Law and What to Do Before "I Do."

This article was adapted with permission from Parent Savvy.

Will you be a good mother? Demystifying the maternal instinct

What is the so-called "maternal instinct"?

According to Elyse Rubenstein, a Philadelphia psychiatrist who counsels new mothers, the term refers to "an inborn tendency to want to protect and nurture one's offspring." Almost all mothers (human and animal alike) eventually come to feel this way after they have a child.

I was never a "baby person" before. Does that mean I'll be a bad mother?

No, how you feel about babies before you have one isn't an accurate predictor of the kind of mother you'll become. "You don't have to be the type who fawns over babies," says Rubenstein. Once you give birth, it's a whole new ballgame, and feelings you never expected to have will surface as part of the process of becoming a parent.

Before mom Heidi Oliveri had her son, Brandon, she was a typical 22-year-old — fun-loving, outgoing, career-minded, and definitely not the kind of person you'd describe as maternal.

"I was not a baby person," she says. "I never pictured myself having three kids, which I now do." But she's completely comfortable in her role as a mother. "Until you have your own, you really don't know what you'll be like," she says. "But once you have a baby, the maternal instinct just kicks in."

What if I don't feel particularly maternal?

The fact that you're worried about being "maternal" or a good mother in the first place shows that you're concerned about your baby. And that's a great start. Instead of worrying about whether you fulfill a requirement for parenthood that experts themselves don't even agree on, focus your energies on getting to know your baby.

"A large number of new mothers fear, in some way, that they don't quite make the grade because parenting doesn't come as naturally as they expected it would," says Rubenstein.

But what counts just as much as those fuzzy feelings you're supposed to have for your baby is a combination of experience and education. The older your baby gets, and the more you get to know him or her, the more confident a parent you become.

Heidi Oliveri agrees. The more she got to know Brandon, the more comfortable she felt about being a mother, a skill she thought she'd never master. "Like any relationship, this one ," she says.

Unless you feel an overwhelming, unrelenting resentment toward your baby, you'll soon grow into your new role as a mother and do the best you can (which is what most new parents do).

But if you're continually feeling sad or angry, or if you ever feel you might hurt your baby, seek help immediately. Your doctor or midwife or your baby's pediatrician can refer you to a counselor trained to help new moms.

Baby care log

Here's help for bleary-eyed new parents: When you're too tired to remember the details, our printable worksheet makes it easy to track feedings, your baby's diapering and sleep patterns, and even your own mood.

This process can help you start to recognize what's normal and what isn't. It'll also help answer questions the doctor may ask to make sure your newborn is healthy and getting enough to eat.

Print your worksheet

Take a look at our pre-filled baby care worksheet to get an idea of how it might be used.

Next, print our blank baby care worksheet so you can fill it out yourself. You may want to print at least 14 copies to last you for the first two weeks your newborn is home.

What to track

Feel free to track just those things that make the most sense for you. Here are some suggestions to get you started:

Feedings

If you're breastfeeding (BF): Which breast your baby started nursing on (BFR or BFL), so you can start on the other breast at the next feeding

If you're bottle feeding (BTL): How many ounces your baby drinks at each feeding

If you're pumping: How much milk you produce at each session

If your baby spits up: How often your baby spits up, especially if you're concerned that your baby is spitting up a lot and not keeping enough down

Diaper changes

Time of each change

Whether it's pee or poop

When your baby's poop switches from meconium to regular stools

If anything looks off

Sleep

When your baby sleeps, where, and for how long

Crying and fussiness

When your baby has periods of crying or fussiness and how long they last (the record you keep may help your baby's doctor distinguish between normal crying jags and colic)

Your day

Sleep: When and how long you sleep

Medication: What you took, when, and maybe how you're feeling at the time

Breastfeeding: What's going well and what isn't

Emotions: How you're feeling emotionally; whether you're getting the support you need.

Diet: What you're eating and when

Relationships: How you and your partner are doing; how you're getting along with family and friends.

Parents say: What I wish I'd known about preparing for life with a newborn

Those early days of a baby's life are a blur of diaper changes, feedings, and sleepless nights, but it's possible to make them easier with a little preparation. Here's what experienced BabyCenter moms and dads wish they had known or done before their baby's arrival.

Advice from BabyCenter moms

"I wish I had cleaned and organized my house before the baby was born. That way, when I came home I wouldn't have been stressed about cleaning, and I would have known where all the important things were."

"If people ask you how they can help, ask them to clean your house while you're in the hospital giving birth. Or schedule a deep clean with a cleaning service. It's so nice to come home from the hospital to a super clean house and hard to get it done well yourself when you're about to pop."

"I wish I'd completed more things on my to-do list, like getting an eye exam or taking the car into the shop to be fixed. These are really difficult to do with a baby in tow."

"A friend highly recommended having the changing table ready and stocked. I listened, and I can't imagine what life would have been like in the first weeks without it!"

"I wish I would have pre-cooked more meals that could be frozen. Standing in a kitchen and cooking [as soon as] you get home is a challenge."

"The Sleepy Sounds app was a lifesaver with my son who screamed for hours. He loved the white noise rain the best. It calmed him down instantly."

"I wish I'd bought at least four nursing bras."

"I should have learned to use the breast pump before the baby was born."

"I wish I hadn't bought so much newborn-size clothing. My son was almost too big for it when he was born!"

"I wish I'd set up some playdates for our 4-year-old daughter on the days following the birth of our new baby."

"I wish I'd investigated groups and activities that my baby and I could have participated in during my maternity leave."

"I recommend reading more books on the baby's first year, especially about sleeping and nursing."

"Read books now! When my baby went to sleep, I should have been napping. Instead, I was reading the sleep books that I could have read before he was born."

"I wish I had taken more newborn photos and videos. It's amazing how quickly babies change in the first couple of weeks after bringing them home!"

"I wish I had known that becoming a new mom wasn't always a completely happy experience. The baby blues can be tough, especially if you don't know that many other women experience them."

"Life can be very difficult with all of those hormones! I wish I had been more willing to take antidepressants instead of judging those who do. Medication can really help with your outlook on daily activities."

"Don't be unrealistic or squander precious moments sweating the small stuff. A baby doesn't know if the nursery isn't perfect, there's a pile of laundry to do, or the house is messy. A baby needs a peaceful environment – the rest will figure itself out in time. New life is a miracle. Enjoy the magic."

Advice from BabyCenter dads

"Read Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad! It's informative and funny. It's for men who like sarcasm and want to learn how to deal with pregnancy."

"My Boys Can Swim! is a good read for first-time dads."

"I like Armin Brott's books a lot. They address issues and concerns important to dads without being patronizing, and they're easy to read."

"I highly recommend the book Dad's Pregnant Too by Harlan Cohen. It's a great book that covers pregnancy and after birth. It has humor, facts, and a lot of advice."

"Look into taking as much time off as is economically possible, such as FMLA and any paid leave or vacation time."

"Visit some breastfeeding classes or support groups with your [partner] before the birth. Even in the best of circumstances, breastfeeding is challenging for almost all moms I know. Being a supportive husband or partner helps increase the likelihood of breastfeeding success."

"If your wife has a vaginal birth, search online for 'padsicles' and consider prepping some ahead of time to have in the freezer."

"Newborns need a lot less stuff than what the big stores would like you to believe."

"If you're a dad-to-be who hasn't held a small baby, try to be in situations where you'll have that opportunity ahead of time."

"My advice from one dad to another is to stake your time with your baby as early as possible. Make sure that you get to hold and cuddle your newborn. Don't be afraid of poopy diapers. (Everything can be washed.) Take lots of pictures – you never know when you'll capture a 'first.'"

"When people try to tell you what to do, thank them for the advice but say you'll do it your way. It sets boundaries for people, and eventually the unwanted advice will stop."

"More than likely, your relationship will change [with your partner]. Small things will become big things [very] quickly, and what used to work to patch over the rough spots may become annoying. Keep the lines of communication open and be open to change, even if it seems unfair."

"It's easy to get overwhelmed but just remember you don't have to learn everything on day one. We have years to grow into being great fathers. Take it one day at a time."

"I have three pieces of advice:

"Before I became a dad, I read tons of books and got active on the forums. I talked to my wife a lot about what kind of parents we wanted to be. In the end, I never really knew what to expect, but I was okay with that. So I wasn't blindsided by the experience at all. I guess I prepared myself [by] knowing that my life was going to change big time and just expecting the unexpected. And it's awesome."

Caring for your newborn's umbilical cord stump

What's an umbilical cord stump?

Babies in the womb receive nourishment and oxygen through the placenta, which is attached to the inner wall of the mother's uterus. The placenta is connected to the baby by the umbilical cord, which attaches to the baby through an opening in the baby's abdomen.

After your baby is born, the umbilical cord is clamped and cut close to your baby's body. It's a painless procedure. And it leaves an umbilical stump attached to your baby's belly button.

Learn about cord blood banking.

How long will my baby have an umbilical cord stump?

The stump will dry up and drop off in about 7 to 21 days, leaving a small wound that may take a few days to heal.

When the stump falls off, you may notice a little blood on the diaper – don't worry, it's normal. Sometimes, after the stump falls off, there's some drainage of clear or yellow fluid, and some bits of lumpy flesh may remain.

These "umbilical granulomas" may disappear on their own, or they may need to be treated by your child's doctor. But they aren't serious and don't contain nerves, so if treatment is necessary, it'll be  painless for your baby.

How do I take care of an umbilical cord stump?

Until your baby's umbilical cord stump falls off:

Don't use alcohol to clean the stump. The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) used to recommend cleaning the base of the stump daily with a cotton swab dipped in rubbing alcohol. But researchers have found that untreated cords heal faster than alcohol-swabbed cords and carry no more risk of infection, so the AAP changed its recommendation.

What are the signs of an umbilical cord stump infection?

Infections are rare, but consult your baby's doctor if:

Also call the doctor if the stump bleeds continuously, as this may be a sign of a bleeding disorder.

Find out more about newborn care.

Bonding with your newborn

 What is bonding?

When experts talk about bonding, they're referring to the intense attachment you develop with your baby. It's the feeling that makes you want to shower him with love and affection, or throw yourself in front of a speeding truck to protect him.

For some parents, this takes place within the first few days – or even minutes – of birth. For others, it takes a little longer. In the past, researchers who studied the process thought it was crucial to spend a lot of time with your newborn during his first few days to establish a bond right away.

But now we know that bonding can take place over time. Parents who are separated from their babies soon after delivery for medical reasons, or who adopt their kids later in childhood also develop close, loving relationships.

What if I don't bond right away?

Don't worry. Bonding often takes time. As long as you take care of your baby's basic needs and cuddle her regularly, she won't suffer if you don't feel a strong bond at first sight.

"There's so much discussion about bonding with a new baby that mothers often feel guilty if they don't feel some incredible attachment to their new baby immediately," says Edward Christophersen, a pediatric psychologist in Kansas City, Missouri. "But bonding is truly an individual experience, and it's just as reasonable to expect the bond to develop over a period of time as it is for it to develop instantaneously."

Go easy on yourself: Being a new parent is exhausting. Many moms feel stressed, overwhelmed, or even unhappy during the first couple of weeks – a period also known as the baby blues. And if you had a difficult delivery, you may need some time to recover before you can concentrate on bonding with your baby.

In some cases, an underlying medical problem can be a factor. Some women experience a drop in thyroid hormones about four to eight months after giving birth. Low thyroid levels can make you feel depressed, easily irritated, and have trouble sleeping or concentrating – not exactly leaving you in the mood to smile and coo with your baby. Let your healthcare provider know if you have any of these symptoms, or if you notice other signs of an underactive thyroid, such as weight gain, constipation, or dry skin.

What are some ways to bond with my baby?

The parent-child bond grows through everyday caregiving. Your baby may be cute and cuddly, but he's also an entirely new person you have to get to know. There's no magic formula, but a few things can help the process along.

Is it unusual to have a hard time bonding with my baby?

No, it's not unusual to find bonding a challenge. Becoming a parent overnight is a major, overwhelming life change, and it's natural to feel a lot of complex emotions.

Find a new parents' group where you can swap stories with others – you might be surprised by how many others feel the same way you do. Try BabyCenter's Community, your local hospital, church, or other social gathering center.

Here's one BabyCenter mom's account of her experience: "I expected to feel a deep, overwhelming love for my baby at first sight. I was surprised when, despite a natural home birth and breastfeeding, I initially felt that she was a stranger. This has changed over time, and now I have immense feelings of love for her and love spending time with her.

I have read and reflected a lot. I think there were a couple of difficulties that affected my emotional state. First, I hemorrhaged after the birth, and I think I was pretty anemic for some time. Second, breastfeeding was excruciating, and since that is all my baby wanted to do the first few weeks, life felt very difficult.

For those who bonded immediately, that's wonderful! I wish the same for all mothers! For mothers who have not bonded as easily, I say hang in there. Be gentle and patient with yourself and your baby. I am sure these feelings come in time."

When should I be concerned?

Many new parents start to feel closer to their baby over time. If, after a couple of weeks, you find that you don't feel more attached to your baby than you did the first day, tell your baby's doctor and let your own healthcare provider know.

Some new mothers have trouble bonding with their baby because they're struggling with postpartum depression (PPD). This is a common condition that occurs in at least 10 percent of births and can lead to serious problems if left untreated. Call your provider if you experience five or more of the following symptoms almost every day, for most of the day, for at least two straight weeks:

Other possible signs of PPD include being irritable or angry, lacking interest in your baby, avoiding your friends and family, constantly doubting your ability to care for your baby, and worrying excessively about your baby.

If you're worried that you might have PPD, there's no need to feel embarrassed or ashamed about seeking help and treatment – it's the best move you can make for both you and your baby. If your provider thinks you may have PPD, she'll refer you to a therapist or psychiatrist for treatment, which could include medication.

For PPD information and resources, including referrals to therapists and support groups, visit Postpartum Support International and Postpartum Progress.

42 things that change when you have a baby

What changes when you have a baby? A better question may be what doesn't change?

Here, you can read writer and mom Rebecca Woolf's 15 most notable post-baby observations and another 27 from BabyCenter parents.

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms.

2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid. [See a reader's perspective in #37, below.]

3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices.

4. You respect your body ... finally.

5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way.

6. You find that your baby's pain feels much worse than your own.

7. You believe once again in things you believed in as a child.

8. You lose touch with people in your life you should have banished years ago.

9. Your heart breaks much more easily.

10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day.

11. Every day is a surprise.

12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!)

13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.

14. You become a morning person.

15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power.

And from our readers:

16. "You discover how much there is to say about one tooth."— Ashley's mom

17. "You finally realize that true joy doesn't come from material wealth."— Anonymous

18. "You now know where the sun comes from."— Charlotte

19. "You'd rather buy a plastic tricycle than those shoes that you've been dying to have."— Sophie's mom

20. "You realize that although sticky, lollipops have magical powers."— Roxanne

21. "You don't mind going to bed at 9 o'clock on Friday night."— Kellye

22. "Silence? What's that?"— Anonymous

23. "You realize that the 15 pounds you can't seem to get rid of are totally worth having."— Brenda

24. "You discover an inner strength you never thought you had."— Ronin and Brookie's mom

25. "You no longer rely on a clock – your baby now sets your schedule."— Thomas' mom

26. "You give parents with a screaming child an 'I-know-the-feeling' look instead of a 'Can't-they-shut-him-up?' one."— Jaidyn's mom

27. "Your dog – who used to be your 'baby' – becomes just a dog."— Kara

[Many readers begged to differ, saying things like: "I disagree with number 27. My dogs are my additional children." "Nothing about previous babies, whether two- or four-legged, changes when a new miracle comes along." "My dog will never be 'just a dog.' " "This is sad to me. My dog is still my baby too."]28. "You take the time for one more hug and kiss even if it means you'll be late."— Tracey

29. "You learn that taking a shower is a luxury."— Jayden's mom

30. "You realize that you can love a complete stranger."— Dezarae's mom

31. "You find yourself wanting to make this world a better place."— Arizona

32. "If you didn't believe in love at first sight before, now you do!"— Ciara

33. "You start to appreciate Sesame Street for its intellectual contribution."— Anonymous

34. "You have to quit watching the news because you see every story from a mother's perspective and it breaks your heart."— Brooke&Boys

35. "You just plain love life more – everything comes together and becomes better because of one tiny person and your love for them."— Anonymous

36. "You finally find out the real reason you have those breasts."— Anonymous

37. "In response to #2 [above], I'd say that where you were once afraid, you're now fearless. I was always very timid and shy and let myself get walked all over … but now where my kid's concerned, I'll speak my mind and really connect with my inner 'b'!"— gummismom

38. "The support you get from other people surprises you, because the people giving it are not always the ones you'd expect."— japanese_macaque

39. "Nothing is just yours any longer. You share EVERYTHING!"— DylanLsMom

40. "No matter what you've accomplished in life, you look at your child and think, 'I've done a GREAT job!' "— Anonymous

41. "You want to take better care of yourself for your child."— Treasor

42. "You can have the most wonderful conversation using only vowel sounds like 'ahhh' and 'oooo.' "— littlehulk2008

How to announce your baby's birth

You'll want to tell the world when your little one arrives. But times have changed from the days of handing out cigars and mailing paper cards. From text messages to online announcements, today's parents have innovative ways of spreading the news.

Read on for some of our readers' best ideas.

Call, text, tweet, or update your status

When it comes to convenience and speed, few things beat technology. A full 72 percent of new moms and dads we asked announced their baby's birth via social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. Even more used the humble, old-school phone call (76 percent of parents), followed by those who sent a text message (72 percent) or an email (44 percent).

"I had a home birth and updated my friends on Facebook throughout the delivery. I posted things like 'Oooh that was a good contraction! My baby will be coming soon!' All my friends were primed and ready to hear my official announcement when I finally put it in a status update." – GaiasGift

"I apparently made lots of phone calls (that I don't remember) from the c-section recovery room. Goodness knows why my husband thought it was a good idea to give me a phone." – SabrinaAdena

"We used Skype from the hospital to keep in touch with close family during labor and after our baby arrived (we were in Korea, they weren't!). It was almost like being in the same country, but possibly better since we could monitor when and for how long the 'visits' lasted!" – Amelia Sharon

Create an online birth announcement

For something more special than an email but less formal than a paper announcement, consider an online birth announcement. Typically you choose a design, add a photograph and your baby's vital statistics, and send.

"We made an online birth announcement. We were able to email it to friends, associates, and family right away." – Mary and Tracy Finney

Make a baby blog

If you want to share lots of photos and information about your baby with family and friends on an ongoing basis, consider starting a blog. Many blogging sites are simple to use, and once you start you'll be able to keep everyone updated on your baby's latest milestones.

"We sent an email with a brief summary of the birth with links to our blog and online photo album. Our full birth story was on our blog with a picture slideshow. I also put a picture album on Facebook and told people to look at our blog for the full birth story." – Mandy3282

Go retro with paper announcements

Whether you order them online, pick them out at a stationery store, or make them yourself, paper birth announcements make a wonderful keepsake for you and your family and friends. They're also a fun way to express your creativity.

"I made and mailed handmade birth announcements. They were shaped like baby outfits and had a picture of my daughter in the center." – Goldengoddess27

"My husband and father-in-law made origami bowties that - when pulled open – had our baby's name, date, weight, and time of birth. My father-in-law had made a similar announcement for my husband's birth. People loved it!" – Susan S. Swingholm

Say it sweetly

If you want to hand out something more substantial than a card, go for edible birth announcements. You can order personalized candy bar wrappers online to cover your favorite candy bar with your baby's name and statistics. For a little extra, you can order the bars wrapped and ready to go. Or, if you've got a little more money to burn, ask a confectioner to hand-stamp chocolate bars (check gourmet candy stores in your area). For a little twist on tradition, try a chocolate cigar — much tastier than the real thing and better for you to boot.

"We announced the birth of both of our girls by handing out lollipops with personalized labels that I made on my computer." – Bobby and Kathy Jefferson

"Our co-workers loved the chocolate bar announcement we sent when Ryan was born. We ordered 150 custom wrappers for giveaways to friends and family. They looked just like normal candy bars, but the label read:RYAN PATRICK GALLANTNet wt. 7 lbs. 10 oz.and on the back:VITAL STATISTICSBaked: May 21Serving Size: 19.5 inchesDelivery of Goods: 8:38 p.m.Location: Orange, Calif.Mfd. by (parents names)Endorsed by brother Shaun and dog Rusty

What expecting moms know – and don't know – about newborns

Expecting moms have nine long months to read books, scour the Internet, and quiz their mommy friends in preparation for life with a new baby.  But do their impressions of newborns match reality?

BabyCenter surveyed more than 2,000 pregnant women to find out what they assume about sleep, diaper changes, and development in newborns age 3 months and younger. Then we asked the experts – moms of newborns – what the real scoop is.

Moms-to-be revealed they were prepared in some important areas, but they're still in for a few shocking surprises. Find out what they're ready for, and what they're not.

16 hours of sleep? You're dreaming.

There's nothing wrong with a healthy dose of optimism when it comes to predicting how much your newborn will sleep. But the pregnant women we surveyed might need to lower their expectations a little.

Sixty-nine percent expected newborns to sleep 16 or more hours at night. Surveyed moms of newborns reported back with a reality check: Their babies sleep an average of 14.3 hours per night.

It's no shock, then, that 71 percent of the moms of newborns said lack of sleep is the hardest part of having a newborn. But there is good news for expecting moms: You predicted you'd get four wake-up calls at night from your little one. Roll over and get a few more winks: Moms of newborns said they're only up 2.3 times a night, on average.

One reason new moms may be so tired is that 70 percent of you get up solo to check on your newborn. Twenty-five percent take turns with your partner, and 1 percent of partners are the exclusive nighttime caregiver.

Lights, camera, action

When we asked expecting moms what newborns can do, they guessed, "Slobber and pass gas!" and, "Grasp your finger."

While all of the above are certainly true, prepare to raise your expectations. Your baby will be far more versatile than you expect!

No need to loll around – 87 percent of new moms said their baby can lift his or her head when placed tummy-down.  (Only 9 percent of pregnant women thought a new baby would do this.)

And your baby will be keeping a closer eye on the world than you might expect. Only 39 percent of expecting moms thought a newborn could follow an object with his eyes, but 81 percent of new moms found this to be true.

More good news: You won't have to wait months on end for some positive feedback. While only 37 percent of pregnant women think babies 3 months or younger can smile, 88 percent of new moms said their baby flashes a gummy grin. In fact, 64 percent of moms said theirs smiled before 5 weeks.

With the smiles come the giggles. Only 7 percent of pregnant women thought a newborn would be up for a laugh, but 38 percent of new moms said theirs belts one out.

Here's where expecting moms were on target: 67 percent thought newborns responded to sounds, and 83 percent of new moms agreed that theirs did.

What expecting moms know for sure

Pregnant women may have a bit of a learning curve in some key areas, but our survey shows they're well informed about two of the most important components of babyhood: poop and feedings.

Expecting moms anticipate their newborn will go through an average of 8.6 diapers a day. This line item of their budget is in good shape: New moms say they use 8.1 diapers every day.

All those diapers can only mean there'll be a whole lot of eating going on. Pregnant women expect their baby to eat every 2.4 hours, and they're on the right track: Surveyed moms say their baby eats every 2.6 hours.

A not-so-big surprise: The hectic schedule takes its toll, with 38 percent of moms saying that the constant feedings are one of the hardest parts of having a newborn.

Delivery room surprises

Proving that you can't be totally prepared for your newborn, the first shockers often happen the moment you lay eyes on your baby.

When asked what surprised them most about how their baby looked after delivery, 60 percent of moms said how "squished" their baby looked. The runner-up: The little peanut that moms were imagining wasn't so little – 28 percent reported their baby was bigger than they expected.

Here's what some new moms said surprised them:

"He was so fresh, so smooth, blemishless."

"[He was] so alert."

"The gray goo [that covered him]."

Changes and challenges

Your life began to change as soon as you found out you were going to have a baby, and new moms report their life kept right on changing after their baby was born. Fifty percent said they were surprised by how much their daily activities have altered.

The other big change? You! Thirty-nine percent of moms were surprised by how much their body has changed and how tired they feel.

Sixty-four percent reported that the biggest challenge of having a newborn is the lack of time for themselves or to get other things done. Just over half of new moms said having a newborn is harder than they expected.

One mom finds "living in two-hour increments" between feedings the most challenging. Another described how simply leaving the house is such a big production: "Getting the baby ready, getting myself ready, packing the bags, loading the stroller and the car seat."

Here are some other challenges new moms spoke out about:

"Being lonely during the day."

"It's time-consuming. And I question every decision I make related to my baby."

The rewards of newborns

Clearly, having a newborn is going to throw some zingers your way. You can research and plan, and prepare yourself for having a baby, but you can't imagine how it will make you feel. Thirty-four percent of new moms were surprised to feel an instant bond with their baby.

And there are other surprising rewards that come with newborns.

Twenty-five percent of new moms said what they enjoy most is watching their baby grow and change. Another 16 percent said it's how small and perfect their baby is.

Here are some new moms' words on what they love most about their new baby:

"How attached we are."

"Knowing I'm his mama."

"Everything."

Parents' Voices: What was most helpful when you were home with a newborn?

The first few weeks home with a newborn are exhausting and overwhelming. You're tired. You're hormonal. Meanwhile your new little family member needs all your time and attention. No wonder it's so hard to get basic tasks done.

Read on to see what kinds of help BabyCenter parents were most grateful to get (or wish they had) from friends and relatives during this time. Then see our article about other ways to help a friend with a new baby.

Bring supplies and help set up gear

"My mom and mother-in-law came over and set up the nursery – including buying diapers, wipes, cream – while we were in the hospital. (I was superstitious and didn't want to prepare anything before the baby was born.) They also made sure I had a basket of nursing essentials – a water bottle, nipple cream, smoothies, and nursing tank tops."— babyanvil

"Ask [new parents] if they need anything from the store. Our baby came a week early and we were out of things like conditioner, napkins, and other household items. I had also underestimated the amount of cotton nursing bras and tanks I would need. Every time my mom came to visit she asked us what we needed and picked it up at the store for us."— rileykatee

"Our son was a month early, and my husband had no idea how to install the car seat. My brother came over and did it for us."— babyanvil

Drop off food

"A friend dropped off a bag of homemade food. That really made a difference. There was soup, hummus, cornbread, granola bars, and more. She didn't ask me or even knock on the door, so I couldn't tell her no."— Fox039

"My co-workers were my food angels for a week. They brought over food in disposable pans that we could just heat and eat."— SarahIVFmomma

"Our friends got us gift cards to our favorite take-out places, and my husband would pick up dinner on his way home."— babyanvil

"My mom or my sisters would come over with fresh fruits and veggies already cut up. I loved having those healthy snacks in the fridge ready to go."— Kimber817

"Bring a box of cookies from the bakery. Meals are great, but quick one-handed snacks are also useful."— Robinsparkles15

"Just stopping by with a coffee was a great little surprise and pick me up."— EileenMcG

Deliver the goods, then leave

"I had a few people just drop off food and not even come in the house, which was great. I'm the kind of person who gets embarrassed if my home is messy, so I would have cleaned like crazy for visitors."— AliciaCai

"The day after we got home, one of my husband's aunts dropped by with a trunk full of groceries and homemade frozen meals. She put it all away for us, said our baby was beautiful, and left."— Idelle

"The best thing was when people called to see if I needed anything while they were out shopping, with a promise to drop it at the door and leave. They understood that the first few weeks home with a new baby are meant for healing and bonding, not for visitors."— Robinsparkles15

Respect parents' privacy

"The best help for me was no help. People came by all day long the first few weeks to ask if I needed anything and – let's be honest – because they wanted to see the baby. All I really wanted was to be left alone to nap with my baby."— carleighcakes

"My family from out of state waited until we got into a little schedule before coming out. I'm glad they didn't bombard us with visits right away."— SarahIVFmomma

"I appreciated the people who asked me to bring the baby by their house. I didn't have to entertain anyone or clean, and when I'd had enough I could nicely thank them for having us and go."— cachelle84

"Ask the new mom what would be helpful for her. Don't assume that she wants someone to take care of the baby or clean the house. I wanted space. That is all."— WinoBot

"Call beforehand. Don't just show up."— SaritaENV

Do household chores

"My mom scrubbed my bathrooms for me. Best. Thing. Ever."— Smandel22

"My mom did my baby's and older children's laundry at her house, brought it back, and put it away."— SarahIVFmomma

"Based on my own experience, I am getting anyone who has a baby a gift card to a cleaning service (with their permission, of course). The thought of family cleaning my house made me feel bad, but I wish I would have had someone else come in and do it for me."— ToriD5314

"After I had my c-section, a friend came to my house every morning to take my kids to the bus stop, make me breakfast, clean the kitchen, and do laundry. Before she left, she would cook. With her here, I was able to take a long shower, pump, and eat."— ines23

"One of my friends addressed all the envelopes for thank you cards. I'd had my baby shower just a week before we had to deliver."— SarahIVFmomma

"I was hoping for someone committed to helping because she understood the needs of a newborn, rather than because she finds a newborn cute and wants to hold her. I wish someone would have said, 'This is your time to be with your baby. Let me take care of the rest of the things in your house.'"— AprilRia

Watch the baby

"I loved it when my husband took my baby out of our bedroom so that I could sleep in the morning. But the best thing was when my mother-in-law took care of the baby for a few hours. I felt so relaxed. She just did it in silence, without talking to me."— Cordelia111

"I didn't get much help from my husband, so it was a lifesaver when my mom came by and watched our baby a few times while I took a nap upstairs."— Fox039

Take care of siblings and pets

"My parents took our two oldest children for the day and brought them back exhausted, showered, and in their pajamas so we could just put them in their beds. This happened several times."— PikicaBubi

"I had not considered my dogs. It was hard to keep them exercised with a newborn, and they were nightmares without it. Friends stepped up and took them to the dog park and on walks. It made our house so much more peaceful."— bkbusby

Make a specific offer

"I'd prefer that people not ask 'How can I help?' Just say, 'I'm bringing you dinner. Is Monday or Tuesday night better?' It's not as awkward and easier to answer."— soccermom200

"I would have loved it if someone had called to say, 'I'm going to come over twice a week to clean. What days are best for you? No judgment.'"— Alexsmommy52

"I think it's best to offer something specific. If someone asks me if I need help with something, I'm likely to say no. If someone asks if it's a good time to come over to bring dinner, dust, or do the dishes, I'm more likely to say, 'Yes, please!'"— KittyForman

"I wish someone would have just offered a simple reassurance and said, 'Don't clean,' or 'You better be resting when I get there,' or 'I'm coming to play with Sam (my older son).'

It may seem silly, but a little mess forgiveness goes a long way. My partner actually hurt my feelings: When his brother called to say he was coming over, he said, 'Well, the house isn't the cleanest,' even though I'd thoroughly cleaned the day before."— samsgonnabeabigbro

Offer support and advice

"I just wanted company. Someone to talk to about all the changes, [ask] how I was feeling emotionally, and answer questions I might have about the baby."— Graett2011

"Teach me! I know absolutely nothing about babies. Yes, I read a million books and had all these 'plans,' but when it came down to it I was completely clueless. We had no local family, so we didn't have the luxury of the prior generation teaching us. I have so many experienced moms in my life. I wish any of them would have offered to just come spend a day with me and help me see cues I had been missing and show me shortcuts. I was never really sure how to ask anyone for that."— SKTTL969

"My best friend came over twice a week for the first month and spent time with me while my boyfriend was working. She could tell I was struggling with the baby blues. Her presence really helped with my anxiety. She did laundry, brought food, and watched the baby while I napped. I appreciated everything. Just her being there for me was the best gift I got. She was a lifesaver."— alliecat019

"This may seem small, but encouraging words about how you are doing a good job or that you are a good mother really help. Because you constantly question if you are doing the right things for your baby."— misscupcake1

"Be there to answer questions or just offer support when [the new mom] is overwhelmed. Sometimes she just needs to cry."— Cclifford628

Don't stop too soon

"I had a cesarean. After the first week, everyone assumed I was fine to do everything. In reality it took closer to three weeks. People were really helpful for the first week, which was awesome. But then they all suddenly disappeared. If even one person kept helping out for a few more weeks, it would have been very welcome."— Alexsmommy52

First 24 hours at home with your baby

You've probably heard that all a newborn baby does is eat, poop, cry, and sleep. Sounds simple, right? It may become simple, but chances are it won't seem that way at first. Knowing what to expect from your newborn will make your first days home together a little less overwhelmingvide.

To help map out what's in store after the big homecoming, we turned to pediatricians and mothers Laura Jana and Jennifer Shu, who literally wrote the book on the topic. The third edition of their book Heading Home With Your Newborn: From Birth to Reality was released in May 2015 by the American Academy of Pediatrics.

What to expect: Newborn feeding

Because their stomachs are so tiny, newborns need to eat small amounts – about 1 to 3 ounces – frequently. Some want to nurse or have a bottle every two to three hours, while others will be hungry even more often.

While some babies announce their hunger with strong cries, others will give more subtle cues such as sucking on their hands, smacking their lips, or rooting, which is when a baby purses her lips and turns her head toward the breast or bottle.

In their first few days, newborns typically lose about 7 percent of their body weight. While this is normal, you'll want to feed your baby every two hours or so until she's back at her birth weight.

Newborns are sleepy, so you may need to wake your baby up to feed and give her gentle encouragement to stay awake while eating. Try undressing your baby down to the diaper, rubbing her head or back, or talking to her. The goal is for your baby to be back to her birth weight at her 2-week checkup.

What to expect: Newborn burps, hiccups, and spit-ups

Some newborns need to be burped frequently, while others burp on their own and need very little assistance from you. If your baby is fussy or uncomfortable during or after a feeding, that's a cue to burp her.

You can also try burping your baby when you switch breasts, after every 2 or 3 ounces, every 10 to 15 minutes of feeding, or when your baby's finished eating. After a day or two of feedings, you'll find a pattern that works for your little one.

No need to bang your baby's back like a bongo – a gentle circular motion or soft pats will bring up the bubbles. There are several burping positions to try, including holding your baby with her head resting on your shoulder, sitting her upright on your lap with the fingers of one hand supporting her chest and chin, or laying your baby tummy-down across your lap.

Don't be alarmed by hiccups or spit-up. Hiccups are normal for new babies and don't cause them discomfort. Likewise, spitting up during and after feedings – in small amounts or what may seem like the entire feeding – is pretty normal.

If your baby's spitting-up seems excessive or is accompanied by her arching her back or crying, read more about the difference between reflux, which is normal and improves with your baby's head control, and gastroesophageal reflux disease, or GERD, which requires treatment. Whatever's causing it, if your baby's a spitter-upper, you'll want to keep a burp cloth handy.

What to expect: Newborn pee and poop

A breastfed newborn will have at least five wet diapers a day. A formula-fed baby may have even more than that – up to ten per day.

There's a large range for what's a "normal" number of bowel movements, too. Breastfed babies tend to poop more than formula-fed ones, since formula takes a bit longer to digest. But breastfed babies vary widely, going as seldom as once every four or more days to as often as once per feeding. Formula-fed babies typically poop a few times a day, but it can range from one poop every other day to several poops per day.

You'll want to keep track of your baby's pee and poop schedule, as the doctor may ask about her urine and bowel movements at the first checkup.

The very first bowel movements – usually occurring during the first day or two, often when you're still at the hospital – are called meconium. These first poops have a black, almost tar-like consistency. The ones that follow won't look much like grown-up poop, either. Be prepared for greenish, light brown, or seedy, mustard-yellow poops from a breastfed baby. A formula-fed baby's poop tends to be pastier and vary in color. Call the doc if your baby's stool contains whitish mucus or streaks or flecks of red, which can indicate a problem. (Red is a sign of blood in the stool.)

Normal poop consistency also ranges from very soft to watery, with breastfed babies having looser poop. This can easily be confused with diarrhea. Basically you want to keep an eye out for a change from your baby's usual pattern or consistency – which is admittedly hard when your baby is first creating a pattern. When in doubt, check with your doctor.

"If you're confused, just remember this," says Jennifer Shu. "Whether we're talking about pooping, eating, sleeping, or crying, every baby is different. Normal is actually a big range. What matters most are sudden changes – and that's when you should contact your doctor."

See our complete baby poop slideshow for a visual guide to what you might find in your baby's diaper.